Like so many divorcing couples throughout the world you have made a decision to stay together until what you both think is a suitable time to divorce and part for good. This can be because you want to sell your house, settle your combined debts or just live together so you can both raise your children.
In order to create a harmonious environment to co-exist in you will need to set some boundaries. Imagine an invisible line drawn around you which determines what you let in or out. The line is your boundary and if you're ex husband or wife walks over it carelessly you will need to tell them it is not acceptable.
Invisible Set
A situation where having clear boundaries in place could be your sleeping arrangements. If you have separate bedrooms and one partner thinks it is okay to come into your room when they feel like it you will have to firmly let them know they have crossed your boundary line. Make it clear you do not want to have to put a lock on your door but if your ex does not stop stepping over your boundaries you will be forced too.
Mutual respect is the name of the game here and never will it be as important as two ex married people living in the same house. You will have to define your boundaries at the beginning of your new living arrangement so there is confusion or unnecessary conflict.
Going from husband and wife to roommates is a huge adjustment so I have no doubt that at times you will challenge each other's boundaries.
If the word BOUNDARY was not been recognized in your marriage then the both of you could be in trouble as the lack of any boundary setting could be the reason you broke up. In some homes there is a more dominant partner who calls the shots while the more submissive partner does as they are told. If this was the status quo of your marriage then staying together will not work.
When verbalizing your feelings on a subject such as the sleeping arrangements talk gently but be assertive. Getting angry and saying things that are hurtful will only make the situation worse. Good communication is based on listening to what a person has to say and then them allowing you to do the same. It is not about name-calling and control tactics.
Another area you will need definition is in the continued raising of your children. If there is any debate you should take it away from the children who have possibly seen enough upset at the end of your marriage. You cannot get into heated arguments in front of your kids otherwise they will be better off living with one parent. The reasons you have chosen to stay together may be based on financial survival but please do not forget that your children will become victims if their parents chose to carry on a war in front of them. It is also abusive if you allow it to continue.
Remember you are getting a divorce eventually so try to relax.
No one said living together during a divorce would be easy but a level of maturity is needed to make it work. Each ex partner has to rise above any petty issues and respect each other's boundaries.
This could be a lesson for you both as you learn how to appreciate each other's right to their own way of thinking and doing things. Boundary setting in any kind of relationship is essential for a healthy and happy atmosphere. You need to understand that we all have our own unique ways of how we look at the world and our place in it.
In any relationship there has to be give and take but there also has to be forgiveness.
Copyright (c) 2010 Linda Cole
Living Together In Divorce - The Need To Set Boundaries
Are you on the brink of DIVORCE and worried about the future? Linda E Cole has written LIVING TOGETHER IN DIVORCE so you can learn how to make it work. This is MUST HAVE easy manual for SUCCESS. www.livingtogetherindivorce.com
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